I have tried for a long time to resist you.
We part and come together with the seasons, so the temptation of you is not always pressing against my consciousness.
When we are apart, I think of you, but the intensity is dulled by space and distance.
When we are together my skin burns, you are the sun and I am naked, unprotected.
Now, I continue to step away from you, but each step is harder than the next, I am braced against a steep slope, with a sense of stark inevitability as my feet slip back to the bottom.
I look over my shoulder and you are there, waiting. There is a knowledge in your eyes. It infuriates me as much as my body burns for you.
You only want me because I have put up a fight. We both know it and I am suddenly exhausted, the slope is too steep and I crash down into your arms.
My traitorous body moulds against yours, my exhaustion your ally today. This may look like capitulation but you will never have all of me. My tired mind still has a few defences remaining, even as parts of me immediately begin to tingle and ache as they rub against you.
Your head lowers to kiss me but I turn my face. A token resistance now and we both know it. You draw back slightly to look at me. I expect to see your cocky grin, instead your mouth is a straight line and your jaw is clenched.
“Stop fighting me.”
Your voice is low and intense. I don’t recognise it. Where are the jokes? The flippant words like arrows flying straight and true?
You look like you want to say more, but a look of frustration crosses your face. Gathering my face in your big hands you leave me no choice this time as your lips descend to mine.
Soft. So soft and warm. I brace myself but you are gentle and I don’t understand what is happening.
“Open,” you whisper and I do. My lips part, your tongue sweeps into my mouth and sensation strokes between my legs in time with your kiss.
I have never felt anything like this: my heart thuds in my chest, a rosy flush spreads over my skin and I can’t get close enough; I can’t touch you enough.
Your hands move into my hair, to the back of my neck where your thumbs graze my jaw as we work together in this kiss. We are sharing the same air, breathing for each other and I wonder how I will breath when this ends.
You feel the change in me. I know you do because I feel your body stiffen. You hold me tighter for a moment then release me when I push against your chest.
I take a step back and meet your tense, angry gaze.
“I want us to fuck – just once. Then I want you to leave me alone.” There is only the slightest tremor in my words.
You squint your eyes and take a breath as if to say something but I shake my head.
“No talking. Do it, or go now.” The steel in my voice is fuelled by the sharp stab of vulnerability that twists inside me.
I see you come to a decision and I know this is for the best. I know as you remove my clothes that this is all you want. I know as you sink to your knees and open my legs that each lick and bite has been done a thousand times to a thousand different women and I know that I am no different now.
I have given in and I will never forgive myself.
I feel the anger build with each delicious lick and I watch you look up to me but I refuse to accept the sincerity in your eyes. My hands thread through your hair and I pull you closer, wanting you deeper – harder. My hips begin to circle and my feet slide a little further apart. Your hands come up to press against my thighs, you want to slow things down but that’s not going to happen.
This is a battle, it needs to be fought and I don’t intend to lose.
Your tongue covers every sensitive inch of me; your soft lips torture my clit until my thoughts are in chaos and my body loses all grace and I am riding your face.
Oh God! I am so close and I can’t control it.
I shout out, a ragged, unintelligible sound. You suck my clit into your hot, wet mouth and all I can do is lock my knees and hold on.
For one blinding moment I am indestructible.
I have had you and survived.
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